Sent at: 2019-03-30, 19:57:52
Report I tried writing some offences. If you think any of this is useful, let me know what changes should be made.
White house intern
Success: The president falls asleep, drained by a job well done, while his lawyer hands you an envelope full of cash for your discretion.
Normal fail: The president seemed distracted by some Twitter trolls, and wasn't in the mood for your extracurricular activities.
ICU fail: The president pisses on you, and your eye gets infected. You won't be seeing him naked for a while (but maybe that's a good thing).
Success: After sleeping with the enemy, you steal plans for their newest fighter jets. You are handsomely rewarded by your secret service!
Normal fail: It seems the target you were assigned is actually not a spy, but a boring diplomat. Your mission was a complete waste of time.
Jail fail: A mole in your intelligence agency leaks your identity, and you get taken away to a black site for interrogation. It will be a while before you see the light of day again.
Success: During a UN summit, you are assigned to provide nighttime company to a visiting ruler. At the end of the week, she showers you with gold (literally).
Normal fail: The ruler you are meant to pleasure is busy with meetings throughout the summit, and has no interest in your services.
ICU fail: Unfortunately, your assignment is a sadistic dictator, who makes full use of his diplomatic immunity to inflict great pain on you.
Success: You win a lucrative contract to populate the human settlement on the moon. Your offspring will be the first generation born in space!
Normal fail: It seems the greater radiation in space has rendered you sterile. No moon kids, no money.
ICU fail: Something goes wrong as your shuttle is launching, and it gets engulfed in flames. You miraculously survive, but face a long recovery.